420 ftw
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
