Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
