I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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