Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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