if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you win again, gameday.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
