the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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