He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
