WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
