I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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