were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
