I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
birth control should be required to get into college
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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