i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
