Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
