Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
