I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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