So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
