I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
