don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
