margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize