dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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