He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
