chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I only lived at night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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