for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
