i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
