Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
