I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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