Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize