FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
