by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
