Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize