if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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