His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
