That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
