did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
