you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize