Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
