um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
