I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
