Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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