i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
