and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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