made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
