He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
