You made me cry and you don't even care
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
