i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
