Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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