do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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