that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
