i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
