took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize