Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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