they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The Olympian is in my bed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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