Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
