So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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