I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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