I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
