from now on my penis is your penis
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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