no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
the raccoons are back...
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