i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
