Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
