Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize