tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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