when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
