i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
