do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
