You just made me feel so damn special
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
