My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
