i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
