i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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