they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
