I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
