i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
